getting out ?

thanks, Laura, for the ‘ebenezer’ email. i suppose i might have to see the dark knight after all.

just when i thought that things couldn’t get any heavier, any wearier, they did, last night. ironically, after that post about grace being seen within the family, i stopped being able to deal. perhaps it is my fault, that the family is fine and i am the one who isn’t normal, can’t deal. but i don’t think it is true. when i’m around all these hard, bad things, i want to fix them. every word of need or complaint lays a burden on me, whether of guilt or of grief. and i can’t carry all that any longer.

so rachel came and got me last night, and i stayed at her place. i don’t know where to go from here. (hopefully up?)

of course weariness is mixed with sadness. grief comes in an ebb-and-flow, some days i feel more at peace ..and other times i can’t bear another day without my best friend. he was the person who said, ‘you need to get out of there..’

i should go. today i am a mom until 4 pm, which is strangely such a relief from being a sister and daughter sometimes.

i am glad: i am none of those things at the end of the day, but a stripped-down soul clothed in Christ.