continue remembering love love love

i don’t have much time to post tonight, so i’ll just give the basics.

i’m still living at home, the world is not all well but it’s doing better from my perspective, i’ve got mad nannying skills, the paper is undergoing an overhaul (funny how that does and doesn’t make sense), i filed my graduation card, and the sky is beautiful in this valley. that’s one thing about texas.. not enough valleys for me. the sunsets almost make up for it, but not quite.

i talked to amy lane’s (college best friend and roommate) mom today and she was blunt and right. i didn’t like everything she said about breaking up, but she was mostly right. i was glad that she said that my emotions were valuable and valid… i needed someone to say that to me… but i was glad again when she told me that i shouldn’t go by them. whatever happens relationship-wise, i need to let this deep sadness fade with time. then i can decide things if i need to. meanwhile, she said, ‘get you a journal’ and rant it all out with God. bless that woman. scary as hell to talk to though, because as well as being wise, she can see right through me.

i felt a burden lift, hearing her perspective.

journaling, for me, is a good thing, but i never seem to stick with it. looks like that might have to change.

one last thing: I know this isn’t necessarily good logic… but one of the things i talked to ann about was
how when you’re deeply sad, it’s very hard to trust God. but know what? i am not sure it’s worth it to believe in a God who’s not sovereign, who’s ineffective, who isn’t holding me and caleb both in his hands. That’s surely not the God character in the Bible.

And sometimes it’s even harder to rest my mind in the idea that the God who is sovereign and powerful also loves me so dearly and deeply. but He does! He must!